A Serious Question

on Jul 14, 2004

If we had kids... I'm not sure... that would require a lot of thought.

If there were no children then our relationship would be over. If my girlfriend/wife cheated on me I would never be able to trust that person again. I offer absolute loyalty in a relationship and I expect the same respect.

2

Draginol

on Jul 14, 2004

Ditto what CS guy said.

3

Joe98

on Jul 14, 2004

I'd say THREESOME!!!

4

CS Guy

on Jul 14, 2004

I'd say THREESOME!!!

I just can't see myself getting excited about having sex with my wife and her boyfriend.

5

Joe98

on Jul 14, 2004

I just can't see myself getting excited about having sex with my wife and her boyfriend.

I can see my self getting very excited about having sex with your wife and her boyfriend.

6

Poetmom99

on Jul 14, 2004

Well, my answer these days is not what it was in the past.....but at this point in my life, I'd have to agree with what Tom and Brad said.

7

Gideon MacLeish

on Jul 14, 2004

Well, I'd have to sit down and evaluate the situation...there are many variables that need to be considered.

First and foremost, in some issues, cheating results because of emotional abandonment by the spouse who has been cheated on. While this doesn't justify the behavior, there needs to be a serious evaluation of the circumstances involved. I do tend to agree with CS, Brad, and Poetmom that the presence or absence of children may make a difference in how you react, but I have personally never been a person who has given my love and trust easily, and I would have to consider a lot of things before I could give an adequate answer.

As for my wife (we have been married 9 years...together 11 years), I have invested a lot in our relationship, as has she. If she were to cheat on me (or attempt to), I would seriously evaluate what part I needed to play in repairing our relationship (there was a time when I was working 70-80 hours a week to support the family; I had to stop that and evaluate what was really important to us; if my wife had cheated on me during that time, I would have to consider my own behavior a factor in influencing hers).

I realize this is the biggest non-answer given since Clinton left office, but...I think the question is too simple for a simple answer.

8

CS Guy

on Jul 14, 2004

I realize this is the biggest non-answer given since Clinton left office, but...I think the question is too simple for a simple answer.

Maybe we need to define exactly what "cheating" means.

there was a time when I was working 70-80 hours a week to support the family; I had to stop that and evaluate what was really important to us; if my wife had cheated on me during that time, I would have to consider my own behavior a factor in influencing hers

I don't buy that. If my wife thought our relationship had enough bumps that she felt the need to cheat on me, then she should have communicated that well before it got to that point. If my working 70-80 hours was such a hardship for her, then she needs to tell me that! Not go shag some other guy.

9

dharmagrl

on Jul 14, 2004

If my wife thought our relationship had enough bumps that she felt the need to cheat on me, then she should have communicated that well before it got to that point. If my working 70-80 hours was such a hardship for her, then she needs to tell me that! Not go shag some other guy.

Amen to that.

I'd have to go with CS, Brad and Teresa. I thought about the 'trying to cheat w/o success' part and then decided that just because the deed hadn't been done the intent had still been there.......so no, I'd have a hard time trusting that person ever again...

10

Poetmom99

on Jul 14, 2004

I don't buy that. If my wife thought our relationship had enough bumps that she felt the need to cheat on me, then she should have communicated that well before it got to that point. If my working 70-80 hours was such a hardship for her, then she needs to tell me that! Not go shag some other guy.

But that depends on how well you communicate with each other, doesn't it? If you were working all those hours, and not talking to her when you WERE home, even when she tried to talk to you, then what? Because I have to confess, part of the reason I USED to look at it differently is that I was that wife....which is how I met my current husband......

11

CS Guy

on Jul 14, 2004

But that depends on how well you communicate with each other, doesn't it? If you were working all those hours, and not talking to her when you WERE home, even when she tried to talk to you, then what? Because I have to confess, part of the reason I USED to look at it differently is that I was that wife....which is how I met my current husband......

And so splitting up was a good thing for you and your former husband. Or at least for you (since I haven't heard his side). You were able to then develop the relationship with your current husband that, I trust, you value now.

12

CS Guy

on Jul 14, 2004

I'm not trying to place any blame on my wife if she cheats on me. But if things get that bad then obviously our relationship failed. It could have been my indifference that drove her to cheating, or it could be that she is just an unfaithful bitch. After the fact it doesn't really matter. I would never be able to trust her, and it would be unfair for both of us to maintain that state. The only thing that could make me remain would be children, because I believe a complete family is very important for their growth.

13

Poetmom99

on Jul 14, 2004

And so splitting up was a good thing for you and your former husband. Or at least for you (since I haven't heard his side). You were able to then develop the relationship with your current husband that, I trust, you value now.

Yes, it was...and he and I are actually better friends now that we're no longer husband and wife. He was actually the first one to email me birthday wishes this year, and he actually made me cry on Mother's Day by emailing me to thank me for giving him our daughter.

As for my current relationship, there is nothing and no one that could make me do anything to damage it.....I'll guard it with my life.

14

Manopeace

on Jul 15, 2004

To cheat on your partner is to declare the end of the partnership, whether or not children are involved. The cheater will do it again..is not to be trusted.. so it's over!

15

Poetmom99

on Jul 15, 2004

The cheater will do it again..is not to be trusted.. so it's over!

I'm sorry, but that "once a cheater, always a cheater" line is nothing but BS. If you cheat on one person, but then go on to find a relationship with someone else that is a more complete one, you will have no reason or need to cheat....my parents were married 17 yrs., and my father cheated numerous times before they divorced....he then married my stepmother, and has been married to her 20 yrs without EVER cheating on her.